Happy Fourth

The fourth anny of my injury is coming to a FIERY halt. I retreated, fell back if you will, to my parent’s house after Thai Nine around 9:00 pm and have been ever so easy since (It’s almost midnight now). I don’t feel like I have much to say, but I’d like to write so I’ll just go.

I graduated from WSU at the end of July; big weight off the ole shoulders. Cum laude, but I’m not too happy about it because I was one B from an A away from hitting magna cum laude. That “magna” would have looked fine on my resume, and it probably would have landed me a fat job. I couldn’t quite get it jotted down, though, and I’m still unemployed. Hey, I should be collecting on that.

The job search is certainly in motion. Wheels are turning. I actually can’t complain about how that’s going. I’ve certainly been pickier than your average recent graduate. It is what it is. It’s who I am.

Always push your boundaries. Never settle. And always be you.

The domain name hunterheck.com was up for renewal a couple of months ago, but I didn’t want to hit WordPress with that down payment. It’s not a lot, but I haven’t been writing much lately, and I’m so unemployed right now. ALTHOUGH, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed shooting my thoughts all over this paper and there’s a good chance I’ll renew it tomorrow before I post this. It should be clear what I decided on (it defaults to hunterheck.wordpress.com if I don’t renew it) (which is not a big deal, but I might have to stop being cheap and be real because my blog has always been hunterheck.com).

It has been awhile, though, hasn’t it? So reason number 1 why I stopped writing, I got engaged and have been spending vast amounts of time with the beautiful, the stunning, the GORGEOUS Sophie Ann Misich. If you haven’t seen her headshots, you’re missing out. I’m a stupid lucky kind of man. We got engaged real quick, I wouldn’t even try to say that we didn’t. There is a saying though, from the far, far east I believe that says, “When you know, you know,” which is how I proposed to her in a way, which I also believe I mentioned in my last post like 2,628,372 minutes ago. No sorry that was lame, but yeah, we were hot to get engaged, or I was hot to get engaged I should say, but I don’t have any regrets.

Let me interrupt myself for a minute because this is something I’ve wanted to say for awhile now, and is actually number 2 as to why I quit blogging. I’ll get back to number 1. I feel like… I don’t know what I feel like, really. I feel like people think I’m being pretentious in my writing, or ignorant, or arrogant, or whatever. I feel that way because I think that’s how I would feel if I read my stuff. Like who the heck is this guy no pun intended to tell me how to live my life, or tell me how to do anything really? And I’m right there with you. I’m here right now to tell you, and myself reading this from an external perspective, that that’s not what I’m doing. I’m just writing my point of view, which started as a young, 21 year old, newly paralyzed man’s thoughts of the world, and his unanticipated daily interactions and hurdles. Which has become this almost as young, 24 year old, 4 years post paralyzed man’s thoughts of the world after he has found that he still has an amazing life, realized the finer things are better than ever, gained a greater appreciation for his those daily interactions, and who firmly believes everyone walks their own paths, but still likes writing, and maybe puts his out there because he wants to believe his writing has meaning beyond himself, or possibly just likes the attention, but I don’t think I know better than anybody.

Back to point 1. I think, “When you know, you know,” is a thing. I also anytime someone asks for another’s hand in marriage, they’re taking a plunge. One they aren’t ready for. I’m actually quoting my management professor when I say that… the management professor who gave me a B in his class, which would have given me magna cum laude status otherwise. I kind of liked the guy, though. I told him about my blog, and he told me this after he read my last engagement post. He had good things to say about it, but still messed me out of some points for the A for whatever reason. It was a freakin management leadership class, too. I was born a leader, guy. Maybe he’ll see that someday and regret giving me a B in his class, that thoughtless, marriage-quoting guy.

Back to point 1. I don’t believe anyone is ready when his or her time comes to pop it. I have learned so much about Sophie since I proposed to her. SO MUCH. Mostly good, though… Well, some good… No kidding, mostly good. Who’s perfect? In that short amount of time, I found someone with the same principles as my own who provides me more happiness than anyone ever has. Was I absolutely, without a doubt, positive at the time? No I wasn’t. I took a plunge. I leaped. Was it stupid? No I really don’t think so. I’m happier than I ever have been, and I can say that without a shred of a doubt because this girl makes me feel like superman, and I can’t get enough of it.

Like I said, I’m just kind of going right now. It has been many minutes. If you like reading my blog, it’d be so cool if you hit me with a FB like or something. It’s incredibly easy to not make the time to blog, but knowing people enjoy it certainly helps. I’m sure those bloggers out there feel me.

Back to today for a minute, then I’ll let ya go. I meditated earlier tonight. Not to sound like a hotshot, I’m not completely sure I know how to, but I tried to think of the night of my accident and time spent in my coma those following couple of weeks. I wished I had thought of putting serious thought into this sooner instead of waiting 4 years, but today seemed more appropriate than waiting even longer. Honestly, I was pretty excited to try it. I thought of doing it last week, but decided to put it off until my anny. The buildup this past week has been exhilarating, like “You’re going to find out some stuff you never knew about! You’re gonna remember a freakin encounter with God!” I’m so sorry to say and was so sorry to find out that I didn’t remember any encounters. Honestly nothing, but what I kept coming back to while in my deep ponder was my mindset and priorities before my accident. I focused on October 6, 2012 and could swear that I remembered my thoughts. I remembered who I was. Then I thought about the hospitalization that followed (4 months later), and saw a significant positive change through the process.

Is this what people refer to when they say they encountered God? Whether while in a coma, or whenever. Noticing a change for the better, isn’t that kind of what God is? I feel like I’m overstepping a boundary, so I’ll stop here. I think that’s all I have for tonight, so happy October 6^th to all; the biggest piece of work of a day in my book, for the better or worse 😉

Patiently Confident

Well, something big just happened.

I based this blog off of my having a spinal cord injury before beginning to write, about two and a half years ago. My spinal cord injury was the most substantial thing that had occurred to me within the first 20 years of my life, but now this. I can honestly say that for the vast majority of my post-injury life, I didn’t believe it would ever happen, but it just did. I got engaged! I dropped the question of all questions, and she said CHYEA! Now before you go passing judgment, hear me out, and if you still want to pass judgment, save it because I don’t care…

“Engage” is a strong word. I believe a lot of people have gotten so used to the term “engagement” as a noun and simply the time span leading up to the marriage of two people. These people mutually select each other and together, they decide on a date for the biggest day of their lives, their wedding day. The time span of their engagement could last anywhere from a couple of months to a couple of years, or longer, whatever. When their big day comes, hopefully the two of them will still share the same feelings for one another and follow through with their marriage. And if they decide to follow through with their marriage, there’s a 50% chance it will last. The common goal is to remain together, but when faced with adversity, it’s possible they won’t fight to make it work.

I believe this to be a very brief, yet very fair summarization of how society views the typical engagement and marriage. However, the picture I have painted in my head looks much differently from the one I believe depicted by society. The focal point of this scene I see lies on the strong root of this word engagement, engage. I know a lot of people who have never truly engaged themselves in anything, and I’m sure there have been many, many people who have lived their entire lives without doing so, a significant portion of whom died married men and women, and were at one point “engaged” themselves. Engagement is a noun, but engage is a verb, which is how I believe an engagement should be viewed.

Engagement— The process in which two people share while engaging themselves in each other’s lives’, and preparing themselves and also each other for the longest, yet happiest struggle of their lives, marriage. Once the two have seen enough of each other to be sure, this process will begin with a proposal, the commitment to each other and to this engagement process, which is the first and most crucial step towards beating the 50/50 odds of divorce. A marriage is the closest representation of two bodies becoming one flesh, which requires an excessive amount of time and effort to be done correctly.

One thing I know for sure is I’m not doing a gaht damn thing unless I’m doing it right. I’m either all in, or I’m not playin’. I think the ancient Romans said it best when they said, “Go big, or go home… straight to your mommy, then straight to bed.”

I’m about to go so big because I’ve never felt more sure, or ready for anything in my life.

I almost wrote something recently about Sophie and how happy I was, but never found the time to do so. No, we haven’t been together long, but we have spent an outrageous amount of time together since we started dating at the end of December. At least technically, I can say we started dating last year. We really never took more than a few days off from seeing each other, until leading up to this weekend. I’m actually typing this book ahead of time, on my Sophie-down-time. The last I saw her was Sunday, January 30^th, and we took almost two weeks off, waiting until Friday, February 12^th to reunite. I miss her a lot, but I’m proud of us. Not only am I seeing me her mental/emotional strength, but I’m awarded the time to prepare for giving her the best weekend she’s ever had. Since I’ve posted this, its either coming to an end, or ended already. I guess I’ll start looking for that next big thing to focus on and look forward to. That’s what keeps us going, right?

…I’ve still have a lot to get through,  but it only gets better. Hopefully my brilliant and intriguing writing is grabbing you by the neck, pulling you in, and making your heart race like you front row at Keeneland.

KINDA LIKE IT ALWAYS DO.

Which brings me to my first word for 2016, confidence. I wanted to tie a little truth into my writing that I was trying to do earlier, back when I wanted to spread the word about Sophie, but couldn’t find dat time. I wanted to talk about the endless confidence that I’ve found because of Sophie, and how I was going to really focus on it during the New Year. But with seeing her so much, and killing all things school related and life related, I haven’t even found the time to wipe my own ass, in all honesty.

Nah, I’m pretty sure my ass ain’t dirty.

As of lately, my life has been moving in the most positive direction. I’m on cloud 9. My life decisions are indefinitely leading me to become a better person. I’m becoming a man now. I feel this. I know this. Being with Sophie makes me feel like I’ll never spend another day down for the rest of my life. I know that’s awfully naïve of me, but I also know I’ve never felt this great, confident, or happy in my life. I mean, all I can think is…

“You just love struck, like a candy-ass.”

“You just smitten, like a little bitch.”

I believe, at least at this point in my life that patience and confidence are the two most important traits for me to focus on and improve upon. I firmly believe that no man will make it far if he doesn’t have an extreme amount of confidence. I attribute the majority of my recent depression to a weak level of confidence.

Any girl, any real girl, will tell you that a man’s confidence is much more attractive than his looks. One’s appearance is typically a good representation of how confident he is. Although the two tend to move hand in hand, this doesn’t have to be the case, and often isn’t. Think about those sukka looking dudes you’ve known, or have seen that landed gorgeous girls. I’m talking about the 5s walking around with the 9s. I’m talking about the 6s posted with the 10s. I’m sure it’s not all attributed to these sukka looking dudes having confidence, but the one thing y’already know these sukka looking dudes had was confidence. Being confident is how I know I’m gonna mass murder all aspects of life.

I see confidence as a stimulative trait. Guys that are confident in themselves seem to inherently have many other positive traits, as well. A man’s confidence will give him drive. He will be motivated and personable, which will lead him to form all kinds of relationships. And if you’d ask me, I’d say it’s obvious that human relationships are far superior to any and all things materialistic. I’m aware of very few successful people that don’t have these traits down to a tee, and for me, the best way to acquire these traits is to first and foremost become confident in myself. CHECK; I have (for the most part) always had confidence. I’ve just never had so much continuous confidence. The stunning creature whom they call Sophdawg, and whom I now call my fiancé, shatters my confidence barometer.

I love psychology. I like to think I’d be a star in the psyche world if I had credibility, but I’d rather not obtain the credibility, and keep thinking that I would be. The Thomas theorem is my favorite theorem on the psychology front:

“If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.”

-William Isaac Thomas

The point is that all you have to do is conquer your psyche. If you have it in your head that you’re The Man, you’ll start reaping the benefits of The Man.

My second word for 2016 is patience. You’re probably chuckling your tits off right now because I wasn’t very patient with my proposal, but like I said, hear me out.

I really haven’t dated anyone seriously since my injury. Anytime I’d hear about a friend, or really anyone who’s close to my age get engaged, I’d immediately look down on them. Like…

“Duuude you’re young! Be on your own! Learn! Grow!”

I’d scream in my head and at them, occasionally. Sometimes I’d take a few seconds to awkwardly fish around in my wheelchair bag before, “FLIPP!!” Pocketknife swinging out with vigor while getting in their face, flesh on flesh, threatening what, and mainly who, meant most to them in this world. *Tru.

Playin’; not true.

I’m breaking all kinds of beliefs, though, lately because of Sophie. I’ve always felt that way, though (in quotations^^), but I guess it was really only a matter of time until I felt otherwise. I’ve been out of a relationship for about four-and-a-half years now, which for me, at least, was absolutely necessary. I needed that time on my own to figure out who the hell I was, and come to some of my own life conclusions. Everyone beats to his or her own drum, though, people are just different, and shit. The world needs different people. I’ve learned. I’ve grown. I’ve figured out who I am, and my solo phase has now passed. Solo-dolo Hunnaboy is no longer with us, but this isn’t a day for mourning. This is a day for rejoicing. I’m confident solo-dolo Hunnaboy would have wanted it that way.

I went on a handful of dates over this four-and-a-half year,“No-Chica,” period, but nothing ever went down. It just wasn’t going down in the DMs.

Honestly, though, I felt like none of the girls I would be physically attracted to would pay me a minute of attention. This wasn’t necessarily true, but I thought it was and it got me acting funny, or at least off my game when I’d be around most pretty girls (What up Thomas Theorem?). Most pretty girls totally suck, though. I did actually go on a couple of dates with pretty girls, but never felt comfortable counting them because they were such terrible people. I thought I was doing everything right.

I got was so frustrated.

As it would turn out, I was doing everything right, though. Matter-a-fact, I couldn’t have been doing them better; I wasn’t forcing relationships. I never went on more than a few dates with a girl because when you don’t know, you know.

I recently had a talk with one of my boys; he goes by “Young Connor B.,” and often times, simply “Young.” I shared a lot about Sophie with him, and referenced the time (not long ago) when I told him I didn’t want a pretty girl. I remember clearly saying…

“ I’m looking for a busted-ass girl, Young.”

I had it in my head that the kind of girl I was looking for wasn’t out there (bighearted, intelligent, and beautiful). I became weak. I misplaced my faith, and I lost patience. I knew that if I dropped one of these key traits, I’d have better luck. I thought to myself about it…

“Well, you’re the kind of person who genuinely cares about others. Not to mention, you’re in a gaht damn wheelchair now. She has to be able to see and respect your genuinity.”

 – “Okay, she gotta have a big heart.”

“You’ve been on dates with stupid people, and each time, you’ve had to get a handle on your own suicidal temptations, and manage your very own psychopathic thoughts. Watch your step here because once you break, you might not be comin’ back.”

— “Okay, she gotta be intelligent.”

“Hm, you’ve never been attracted to someone that wasn’t beautiful, but at the same time, you’ve gotten so used to the beauty in a girl that it no longer did much for you. Physical qualities are sure nice, but I guess their reach is awfully limited.”

–”Okay, you can do without :,(.”

I tried, and I tried. I quit, and I tried again. I couldn’t do it.

“You just have expensive taste in women :,(. You need a babe :,(. You need a 10 :,(.” 

I cried so hard.

I remembered the Ancient Romans, I was gonna go big. If I didn’t find the girl for me, the girl with all the qualities that I wanted, I’d keep flying solo. I prepped myself because most times I didn’t think I had a chance. I mean how many bighearted, intelligent, AND beautiful girls are there in the world? Like 6?

My frustration got heavy, and my mental would run its mouth in my head (A.k.a. I’d think)…

“You just aren’t normal. You’ve never felt like the typical dude. You’re just different (like it was a bad thing).”

Then my emotional would run, spreading insecurities…
“Girls want big dudes, and you’re just not a big structured dude. Your genetics aren’t capable of getting you what you want. Everyone wants an awesome, gorgeous girl, not just you. You’re paralyzed. You’re in a  wheelchair. Seriously, who’s on the lookout for that? There are so many more attractive people out there, and they can walk. Their legs work. You have to settle for less.”

These are actually fantastic examples of thoughts that used to run through my head. They came mainly during my depression phase, but even out of my depression phase on down days. It was exhausting, and when they came, I couldn’t live in the moment and focus on my tasks at hand.

My recent depression was primarily due to my paralysis. For the majority of the time since my accident, post-injury Hunter has, if anything, been much better off than pre-injury Hunter. It felt like the third year post-injury was when reality had finally decided to break me. That’s not to say I’m blaming it all on the wheelchair, though. Everyone has bullshit in their lives. Everyone deals with insecurities, whatever they may be. Everyone wants to find love. Everyone worries about being alone.

Towards the beginning of January, I shared a long conversation with Kelly, Sophie’s gorgeous and freaking awesome mom. Kelly briefly described her daughter’s personality to me. Her description consisted of little breadth, but very fair depth. Kelly chose to share with me the size of her daughter’s heart and how it was incomparable to anyone else she had ever known. “Sophie genuinely cares for everyone, whether she knows anything about them, or not,” Kelly told me. She went into more depth, but she didn’t expand much on the breadth because it simply wasn’t necessary; her heart said it all.

I had already seen this, but it became more real when I heard it verbalized, especially by her mother. The strong attraction, the connection, started to make all the sense in the world to me, and for the first time, I knew I could trust my feelings. When two hearts collide, the rest begins to fall in place, rapidly.

The only other girl I’ve ever loved also had a huge heart, we shared four years of our lives together, however, our personalities never quite matched. I’ve honestly never met anyone, male or female, whose overall personality matched mine so closely, as does Sophie’s. For two people’s personalities/humor to match so well, I think intelligence has to be pretty on point, as well. And if matching personalities doesn’t say enough about her intelligence, I think her graduating high school with a GPA >4.0 and having full intentions of attending grad school as a speech pathologist does.

I guess I’d understand if you still weren’t convinced I found true love. I mean, I did say I needed a 10, but I’m so in love with the person Sophie is, that she doesn’t need to be a 10.

Only thing is…

Sophie=>>10

She’s so much more than your average looking girl! I’ve never been so attracted to another human being. For the first time in my life, I no longer desire other women. I mean, I recognize beauty, but it’s no longer followed by a sexual urge. Sophie’s like a Lamborghini, really, only she’s better because she can communicate and share experiences. She’s like an Interactive Murcielago, the only one of its kind, and I’ve got the keys.

There’s a time to be patient, and a time not to be because you could die tomorrow. You could die tonight, and not even see tomorrow. Never WASTE time. Be patient until you know, but when you know, you’ll know, and you need to pull the trigger. You need’a eat.

After giving my brother a whole lot of shit for rushing his engagement and promising myself I would never follow in his footsteps, here I am. “When you know, you know,” is a common saying for a reason, one that I never used to understand. It’s what my brother would tell me when I expressed disbelief, or disagreement. It makes sense to me now, though, that you need to feel it in order to understand it (which is NOT to sound condescending towards people that date for longer periods before making the plunge, after all, everyone is different, and NO relationship is the same). I’m going against my promise because I can’t go against my feelings, not this time. Sometimes, executive decisions need’a be had.

I hope you’ve gained something out of this monster. Please don’t think that I think I know better. Many things, I am, but ignorant is not one of them. I wanted to share my big news, and the rest has simply been heavy on my heart. After the severe amount of stage three carpal tunnel all up in my wrists from grinding so hard typing this, I think I’m finally pleased with the finished product.

I never have much of a plan, and certainly no outline before writing. It seems like it’s everyday that I type a number of notes on my iPhone containing a random thought, or idea. Every once in awhile, I’ll find myself searching for one of these notes and adding more to it. It’s when this urge to write more on a topic starts to feel too big for any note on an iPhone that I tend to form a new blog post. I like to think this “push” to write more and more on a topic is from a Godly figure. I like to think it’s this figure sukka-shoving me in the chest, and my own uncertainties and concerns about whether or not to go for it is really just my feet treading below me trying to regain support.

If that makes sense

..just be patiently confident.

On to Year Three

A couple of days ago was the two year anniversary of the accident! My rebirth day! It might seem odd to some people that I get so excited about this day. I’m sure some of you are thinking — It’s the day half of his body was paralyzed, and he was permanently confined to a wheelchair. What the hell is he so happy about? — And yeah, things aren’t perfect. But whatever, I’m making it work, and most importantly, I’m still alive! Alive and well, at that! I have been into Roman Atwood’s Youtube channel lately. He posts videos of himself and his crew carrying out public pranks on the streets of Columbus. His “Gas Prank” video was the first one that I saw, and it had me laughing out loud. The other day, I saw that he uploaded another video. It was titled, “My producer got hit by a truck!” It sounded familiar, so I was sure to check it out. Well some of it. It was really long, so I skipped to the part where he meets his producer at the hospital. He had some road rash and a few broken ribs (also familiar). Then I heard him say that he was hit at 35 mph and thrown 20 feet. Roman made a face, and said, “35 miles per hour? 20 feet??” He immediately talked about how lucky he was to be alive. In the couple of minutes that I watched, I heard him say it about three more times… Okay I have a few things to say about this.

1. He is lucky to be alive! That’s a big hit being thrown 20 feet on the pavement. And if I can say that honestly about him, what does that mean there is to say about me? This example alone should give you a much better idea of why I get so pumped on these anniversaries.

2. The driver that hit me claimed, under oath, that he was traveling at 25 mph. I was thrown 176 feet. It was measured at the scene of the accident. So, that means… wait… According to my T.I. 83 calculator, supposedly, the guy who hit Roman’s producer was traveling at 1.4x the speed that I was hit. Yet, I was thrown 8.8x further… Yeah, something’s telling me that my lawyer and I got had. Big time.

3. I’m a military tank.

Roman’s video came at the perfect time. It was just a couple of days before my anny, and it reminded me of just how lucky I was/am. I think it helped me better enjoy my day on Monday. Since it wasn’t on the weekend this year, I didn’t throw any parties. The day was pretty laid back, but it was nice and filled with a lot of happiness. It was an emotional and heart wrenching day, and although I wasn’t able to cry this year, I got close a couple of times, which was good enough for me. Monday’s a busy day for everybody, so I didn’t have a whole lot of free time on my hands. My family and a couple of my close friends were able to go to my favorite restaurant, Sake (pictured above), which was a great time. And many thanks to everyone that reached out to me. You made that day more special for me.

I thought a lot about the impact that would have been made if things went differently. My family and close friends (less than 100) would have been torn up, that’s for sure. And some general friends/acquaintances (less than 500) also would have been torn up, but for a limited amount of time. There are over 7.1 billion people in the world. That means only about 0.000008% of the population would have been effected at all. With maybe a tiny bit more ever even hearing about it. I’m sure that would be a rough fact for anybody to swallow. But… things didn’t go differently. That WOULD have been the case, but I’m still here. There is still time for me to increase that percentage. Matter a fact, anybody that ever reads this still has time to increase THEIR percentage. On a bigger scale, everyone will have their own unique answer for achieving this goal, but on a smaller scale, the answer for everyone is virtually the same. And that is to gain respect from others. After all, unless people (disregarding family) have some kind of respect for you, they most likely don’t care about you. So as you keep your eyes and ears open for your bigger answer, start small by being caring to the people you interact with on a daily basis. Make sure you will be missed whenever your time comes.

 

Farewell

Well kinda farewell, kinda not really though.. I’ve spent way too many hours on this site to take it down. Definitely worth the 60 bucks a year to keep it alive for awhile. But! I’m back at school now and I can’t do this posting regularly thing anymore. My grades first semester weren’t bad, especially after taking a year off…. and having a traumatic brain injury…. but I’ve clearly recovered pretty well, and I know they could have been better. I had two grades ending with a plus, which just pisses me off. And sure; a grade with a plus is better than a grade with no plus, but the thought that a few more points on one, maybe two assignment would have bumped me up to the next letter grade pisses me off. Anyway, I’m going for all A’s this semester, so I can’t be writing like three page non school related essays every week. I copy/pasted all my posts thus far to Word –12 font times new roman single space– and the doc was 35 pages long… all but the last couple of which were written during classes first semester. Too bad I wasn’t in any English classes because I woulda had one helluva thesis paper to submit.

Being back at school is kick ass… it’s the tits. I haven’t even seen more than a couple of friends so far because I haven’t been here for a weekend yet. I have to lay low for awhile anyway; I still have some recovering to do. My mid section is still actin’ up a bit from the docs tampering with my intestines and bladder with knives and shit. But I feel fine now and am hopeful that things will straighten themselves out soon. I think they on they way. Hey; another thing to look forward to. Just being here doing my thing, getting started on classes, and being around people my own age again is an awesome feeling. Makes me feel normal again, which is always cool for me. Monday, I went to my classes, all cold as hell, but was cruisin’ around going from class to class with my ear buds in. I’ve always been an active guy, which is harder now that I’m in a chair, but ATLEAST I get to tear up the streets.. and the school hallways.. and the grass when sidewalks are under construction. I was so happy, though. I haven’t been able to move like that since the end of last semester.. just one of the things recently that has made me so very thankful.

Tuesday went a little differently. I was still pumped about being here, but was thinking a lot about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g I have to do to take care of myself now a day. Before my surgery, I already had to spend a lot more time on myself than the average joe, and now that time has almost doubled due to post surgery precautions. And when my bladder is worse than ever, surgery being over a month ago, it’s hard to believe that surgery even worked. Even forgetting that though, it’s just like… how much longer are these long days gonna last??

Today, things were good again. Facts are facts, so nothing has actually changed, but something clicked this morning that got me feeling a lot better… After I woke up, I sat in complete silence and tried not to think about anything for a good 10 minutes. I think that’s what meditating is. My brother and his friend suggested I do this several months back when they visited Miami, but I never did. I actually really liked it and I wish I listened to them awhile ago. It completely cleared my mind, which made me feel better. I spent the day better focused on the tasks at hand, rather than worrying about the future. I then got in the shower and started to think of everything I have to be thankful for. Most of which, I’m sure, you also have to be thankful for… There’s food readily available, which I’m physically capable of eating whenever I want. There are liquids readily available that are physically capable of drinking… at my leisure. I can swallow effortlessly and painlessly, whenever I want. I can move around freely, whenever i want to. I am not incarcerated in a hospital. I have family members that truly care and will do anything for me, whenever I need them to. I have the liberty to attend school, or work a job that provides solidarity advancing my life in the right direction… I was saying this all out loud to thank God for all of my blessings. Then I took it a step further and did something I never thought I would do. I’ve done pretty well and have only been mad at Him a few times since my accident, but this morning I thanked Him. I thanked Him for what has happened to me… bad things have happened to good people since the beginning of time. It doesn’t mean you deserve it. It’s just life. I thought about some loved ones in my life who I had a hard time seeing deal with the things I’ve had to deal with. Traumatic accidents such as mine are very capable of breaking someone, and I knew it could have broken some of the important people in my life, stopping them from moving forward. It may ruin them as the person I’ve always known them to be, throwing ME off. I thanked Him for dealing ME the shitty hand instead of a loved one that could be lost. Especially a family member, or my future wife, wherever she is… After all, I’m a little selfish, I KNOW how much future Hunter loves those nice legs she has. And don’t you even get me started on that booty.

Well this will probably be my last post for awhile. I know I’m going to miss writing, so I’m sure I’ll still write from time to time. However, I want to try using that hole in my life to start drafting for my book. I really want to write a book after the experiences I’ve had thus far with this blog. The sooner I start working, the greater the chance of me seeing it through and the fresher the memories of the past year and a half will be.

But before I go, let me share some of the hunterheck.com stats real quick. All of which were really surprising to me and likely for you, as well… So it was after a church sermon last spring that I decided I would start blogging. I really didn’t even know what a blog was, I was originally going to write experiences and thoughts down in a journal. I worked an internship in Cleveland all summer, but had a couple weeks of free time to figure out blogging before school started. A friend at church had a WordPress account and shared with me his knowledge of blogging. He helped me get things set up and rolling. My first entry was posted the day I moved to school the return of my first semester. The day I moved back to school was August 21, 2013; a little over five months ago… As of now (not counting this post), I have posted 21 entries to my page that has had 24,000 views. This wasn’t a recent surprise because that number has been displayed on the right since day one. What is to come is what is to come is what really blew my mind, though… I started sharing most of my posts to Facebook sometime in November which resulted in me sharing seven of my posts shared to Facebook. Some of these posts were reshared to Twitter, but significant amounts were reshared to Facebook. In total, those seven posts were shared 672 times. My “Family” post was only my fourth entry, well before I started sharing my own posts to Facebook, and “Family” killed it with 137 shares. It wasn’t until recently that was topped by my post “Surgery”. “Surgery” was shared 212 times and resulted in my biggest day, with 1,268 site views. As far as the existence of this page in the world; it has been viewed from 41 different countries: Belgium, Spain, Canada, United Kingdom, Germany, Sweden, Australia, Russian Federation, Singapore, Italy, Netherlands, Thailand, India, Mexico, Viet Nam, Ecuador, France, Denmark, Ireland, Albania, Hong Kong, Bahamas, Luxembourg, Myanmar, Republic of Korea, Argentina, Aruba, Jamaica, United Arab Emirates, Brazil, Saudi Arabia, Nicaragua, Austria, Switzerland, New Zealand, Lebanon, Philippines, South Africa, United Republic of Tanzania, Czech Republic, and obvi The USofA. Crazy. I’ve never even been to any of those places, other than Canada and Jamaica. Oh and one more thing. Probably the biggest thing… Word Press has a page labeled “Fastest Growing Blogs (out of 100)” that changes daily based on how many views a blog receives that have been started within the past six months. A couple of months ago, I looked under the “referrers” list on my stats and saw this growing blogs page referring people to my blog. I was really confused because I didn’t know anything about it, so I clicked on it and found my page at number 25 on the list. I was really surprised when I thought my blog was the 25th most popular blog in the country, but then I went to some of the other blogs on the list, they were decked out with pictures, professional design and color. I tried reading some of them, but couldn’t… it wasn’t a country-wide list, my blog was ranked 25th in the world.

So thank you all who have been following my blog! These stats make me feel like I’ve already accomplished my goal to “make my mess my message,” but I’m not stopping. I plan on furthering my goal by keeping this blog in motion and writing my book that will come out on the NAth of NA, 20NA… I really hope I can find the discipline to write this book. Thanks for reading!

Surgery

The surgery went unexpectedly well! It was four and a half hours long, but could have taken up to six. The surgeons expected to run into a lot of scar tissue that would complicate things, but hardly ran into any. They said my organs looked great, especially for what my body endured two Octobers ago! Time had done my body good. My bladder has doubled in size with intestinal tissue that is much different from bladder tissue – more stable and not possible to become spastic, this time.

With all of this being said, I don’t see why the surgery wouldn’t have met it’s goal! I need to do lung exercises 10 times hourly to regain most of my voice, and turn myself side to side (which literally feels like being gutted) every 2 hours. It is, however, tolerable after recently taking pain meds (IV morphine or valium – that good good). Doc says he expects to see me up in my chair tomorrow. This got me at first (good joke doc), but I’m already feeling better than I was right after surgery. It’s undoubtedly gonna hurt like a dirty bitch, but may be tolerable? I was told I would likely remain as a patient through the weekend, but I’m really not tryna stay that long. I don’t know if this recovery process is possible to speed up because my body needs time more than anything, but I’ll be looking at my tattoo a lot reminding myself that anything is possible through Him who gives me strength… I mean look at me now – Typing on my laptop a couple hours after wakening from a very serious surgery, haven’t  eaten more than jello since brunch on Saturday, or had anything to drink since 10:00 pm last night. Haha honestly though, if only you could see me right now: drainage tube out my side-check, indwelling catheter- check, pelvic catheter out my other side-check, IV in right arm-check, IV in left arm-check. I’m prepared to give it my all. Prayers would be greatly appreciated. I don’t care what anyone says, prayer is powerful. I should have died at the age of 20, but instead, I beat the odds and have continued to do so because of the many people supporting and praying for me. Not to mention recovered from a brain injury to get an internship then return to school less than a year post. Not a chance I could have done this all on my own. I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t give all the glory to the big man upstairs.

Enjoy New Year’s Eve tomorrow everybody! Second year in a row I’m spending it in a hospital, but hey, I get to experience yet another year!

Three Weeks Later

Alright… I’m back.
I don’t remember exactly when I made the decision to take a hiatus from my blog, but after hearing my professors talk about final exams quickly approaching, I knew I had to forget about it for awhile and focus. And honestly, I thought most people would like a little break from me runnin’ my mouth. Although, it has been three weeks since I last posted anything and on those days from November 21-December 12, this page has averaged 55.27 views per day, and like, nothing has changed.

Finals for the semester are finally in the past for me, and I’m feeling pretty good about how they went *smiley face*. I started out the semester with two Miami plan classes (gen ed’s) and two mechanical engineering classes:  Thermodynamics (MME 314) and fluid mechanics (MME 313). The engineering classes were way harder than I remembered.. Well that was actually the problem, I didn’t remember. Taking a year off school.. due partially to the traumatic brain injury I sustained.. made jumping right back into 300 level engineering classes quite the challenge.. a challenge I was not prepared for… Having said that, I dropped one of them, packed up, and threw my deuces up at the School of Engineering and Applied Science. After my marketing internship last summer, I was planning on adding marketing to my degree as a minor. However, I knew I needed to start something fresh, I had not a chance in hell to finish 13 more 300 and 400 level engineering classes. It really is a shame, though.. Hypothetically speaking, I should be graduating after next semester, and have really grown close to some of the engineering professors: Dr. Dollar and Dr. Caraballo, mainly. They’re amazing professors and awesome to talk to, whether it regards class or not.. I wouldn’t make it though. Calculus forms the basis of every engineering class and I have passed both calc 1 and 2 with fairly solid grades, but if we’re being honest, I don’t even know what the hell a derivative is anymore, let alone a second derivate or differential equation… I suppose there are worse stages in life than college that could be prolonged… I decided on making marketing my major and maybe finishing the few engineering classes I have left for the mechanical engineering minor. The only problem with switching my major to marketing:  The Farmer School of Business requires a 3.3 college GPA to be directly admitted.. Get real FSB, I’m a real person, I got like a 3.05 and I’m not even upset that it isn’t any higher.. As long as you have a 3.0, finish five specific business classes and stay above 3.0, you’re admitted. Oh, and that is out of shear luck that I am able to be admitted that way. That was the old policy, which my class was grandfathered into because it was changed after my first year.. Gonna have to murder those business classes doe.

I’m easing my way back into this whole blogging thing. I’ll definitely have my next post up within a week, and It’ll be more about real stuff, but I had to make my return post more of a “what’s up” post. I also had a lot of time to rethink everything and remember what I’m trying to do here; make my mess my message.

I started out with a pretty good amount of viewers from my Mom’s Facebook page. This audience was family and family friends, most of whom were middle aged or older. What I was writing about was useful for anyone to read, and I wanted people my own age to read and learn a thing or two from my experiences, as well. I wrote like myself and I exaggerated some things at times, which targeted more people closer to my age and I think it worked to some extent. We did not grow up in the newspaper and magazine era, we grew up in the electronic era with tv’s and computers, and something has to entertain us if we’re going to read it. So that’s what I’ve tried to do. I’m still going to write like myself, but I plan on easing up on the language a little because honestly, I think it’s pretty embarrassing when people  swear over and over for nothing. I don’t think I ever did anything like that, and I’m still going to talk like a 21 year old, and it could actually get a little ridiculous at times if something really pissed me off like that one dude, or I’m really frustrated with all the newfound bullshit in my life, I don’t know, and it almost got ridiculous right then just thinking about that dude again, I’ma just post this already, but yeah..  wanted to make a note.

It’s good to be back 🙂

Little Bit of Everything

It’s been a week and a half? It was nice to have a break from the blog for a minute. And it was hard to not think about considering all of the attention it has been receiving lately, but I’ve been so overwhelmed with school work that I didn’t have a choice.

The ‘Miami Student,’did a follow up story on me that was published last Friday. I failed one of my exams last week, my fucking intro to sociology exam. Then a couple of days later my second story in the school newspaper was printed less than a year after the first one, so I figured I must be doing something right at least. I’ve had to do some major catching up in my classes, I realized I had been spending too much time on my blog and not enough time on my school work.. A lot of shit I want to wright about though. First of all I want to thank Sarah Shew for writing yet another story on me. We met in person twice for interviews and she took about eight pages of notes, then she interviewed three of my friends, only adding more pages to her notes. She then had to wright the story and keep it under 1500 words. She did a good job, much appreciated Sarah! 🙂

The weekend passed before I knew it. Monday came and Olivia Krawczyk posted a huge blog entry story on me. Olivia is a Miami alumni and now a professional fashion copywriter and storytelling blogger in New York City. Glad she heard about my story, thanks Olivia! 🙂 The story on her blog ‘Olive The People’ went viral on Facebook and Twitter. She said it broke her record for most hits in a single day. Over 20 of my friends on FB shared the story, and I know there were others who shared it, also. I received a few friend requests from random people, one being a girl that looked kinda cute so I accepted, obvi. Then I creeped on her, obvi. We had zero mutual friends so I sent her a message out of curiosity to see how she found me, it turned out that one of her friends had shared my story, someone I also had never heard of. That felt pretty good.

I received so many compliments from so many different people and decided not to respond to any in the case that I would forget somebody. So I’ll say it now: Thank you to everyone who posted an uplifting comment, or shared my story. It really did make me feel good! One comment of which may have been the nicest thing anyone has said to me, ever.

“I work with a friend who has told me bits and pieces of your journey throughout the year. Do you ever get tired of hearing how awesome you are??? All this aside (for a brief sentence anyway), you are an AMAZING writer. Unbelievable. So you’re a survivor, you’re going to college, you’re a good looking young man, a gifted writer, and you still love God. Thank God you’re humble, because if anyone deserved to be conceited, it would be you. Thank you for touching so many, many lives. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading anything you care to write!”

The whole reason I started this blog in the first place was in hopes that my story would spread some inspiration. Life can be a real bitch sometimes and everyone needs a little help getting through it. I also got pretty fed up with people acting overly dramatic over nothing, and really strived to change that. Like, excuse my french, but just fucking get over it and keep living life. What matters anyways? Haha that’s something that my family has adopted actually. My mom will ask, “What matters?” when something doesn’t pan out as planned, and every single time I respond, “Nothing. Nothing fucking matters.” It ended up being more of a joke than anything, but it’s all too true. You may have to put in a tad bit of work to get things straight, but once it’s all said and done, everything will have worked itself out. Maybe not as originally planned or desired, but things will be fine. I was walking across the street one day and woke up almost three weeks later paralyzed in a hospital bed. Yeah it set me back a little, but whatever, everything worked itself out and now I’m back.

 

Incase you missed them…

Miami Article:  http://www.miamistudent.net/news/one-year-later-hunter-heals-shares-his-story-1.3115389#.UoRdohbIYy4

Blog Story:  http://olivethepeople.com/hunter-heck/